2019 was quite a year of emotions, feelings, abundance, presence, and the magical unknown. It started with India, the beginning of a new lifestyle and a whole new understanding of life. I learned what devotion and surrender mean, and learned to embrace them both – even when uncomfortable – since ‘faith’ and ‘trust’ were simultaneously established. It was the gift of “get 4 for the price of 1”!
When my friend Lorraine and I first met, we took our Reiki certification together. One of the requests she had was to ‘surrender’. I looked at her and hesitantly asked “What do you mean by “surrender”? I don’t know how to, or truly what it means?”
She gently and loving explained “To be present sweetheart. To let go of what you can’t control” and be here with me in the moment”.
Of course, I looked the definition up on Google search/Wikipedia as well! Little did I know that my personal “surrender” process had started right after my conversation with Lorraine, when a vase collapsed in my hands and almost cut off my thumb. This time there was nothing to control, it was surrendering to the friends who came to help, the doctor who stitched it back together (Oh my word it was painful), dear friends who watched Djaz and then sat with myself alone at home figuring out what just happened, and why. From trying to unscrew a water (or wine) bottle with one hand, unzip my jeans or pants I was wearing, to making food with one hand (no knives allowed!), the “surrendering” process was in full swing.
It was also the start of the most beautiful gift to myself.
Surrender and I have become Besties now and I can’t imagine life without her. Yet… at times, we disagree and have these moments of battle. U till I realize- I need to surrender.
The truth is, those situations become less and less now. My connection with the creator, God, Jesus (whomever you pray to personally) and the Universe have become more in depth! They are teaching me, and having me rebuild my trust and faith in them, knowing everything happens with the greatest insight of my soul journey and what I am here to do!
By no means was 2019 easy, yet extremely freeing! Some ‘gifts of freedom’ of 2019 and 2020 are listed below for those who may find inspiration out of it! Of course they are in progress and ever evolving.
- From absolute no boundaries, to defined boundaries.
- From assuming someone would understand my needs, to clearly communicating these needs.
- From conditional love, to unconditional love and understanding the difference.
- Releasing old agreements and with filling me up with a new set of positive agreements.
- From fear to trust & faith. From anger and resentment to forgiveness and compassion.
- From unrealistic expectations, to gratefulness of any act of kindness or gesture.
While looking at the ‘gifts of increased freedom’, there is a sense of ‘wow’, did this all come about in 2019? The answer is: yes and no. Since we are usually working towards releasing old agreements for a period of time, we may not be consciously working through them with a teacher, mentor, through workshops, online courses or looking through a spiritual magazine. Looking back and seeing the inter connection between people, things, animals, the Universe and other matter, I realized my entire life was leading me towards making the desired changes. Leaps of faith have brought me so much beauty, love, endurance, strength, understanding, peace, and mostly, ‘self love’.
Fear only grows mountains and when we surrender to the process with trust and faith, we will rise up and move those very same mountains we created ourselves. I know you can, as I have and continue to gracefully, we are no different and will only become stronger together.
May you wake up one day unafraid to see how beautiful or handsome you are, yes also with all your imperfections. Have an open heart to seeing what you wish to change in your life and where you see a little window of opportunity you are willing to climb through. In a future blog “judgment” will be addressed. For now it’s important to celebrate your existence, embrace who you are, do more of what you love and love yourself through the process of becoming who you were meant to be! Wishing you magic, love, abundance and great health for 2020!!!
“Rise Up” by Andra Day, is a beautiful and powerful song to feel into the energy of how your perfect 2020 looks like ! This song resembles, trust, strength, faith and power, you can do it! Available in iTunes.