While going from my favorite state thus far, Arizona, into California, I had to endure several moments, or hours of trying to figure out, how and what, very quickly! Not because I chose consciously to learn, but because I believe they wanted me to discern fear and how easily it is to either give in, or act upon!
It was a lovely day and I wasn’t too far away from Sedona, it was my mom’s birthday and for some reason, one of the toughest days’ so far, since her passing in 2011. I cried, sobbed actually and simply allowed my grief to be part of my work day. Some sweet messages would come in after my post on facebook or instagram, and just knowing people think of you, on a day like this, was such a gift. But for some reason, tears would reappear and continue to fall with grievance. What was it, I said to my mom, why am I so emotional? It’s been 9 years and this day was always about celebration of your life, but not today. Well, she said, “look at what you are doing”, “you are doing, what I always wanted to do”, and you wish you could have done it together, to have shared these amazingly beautiful and special moments (randomly as they come), with someone special. Like me, or maybe even a new significant other?”. Yes, Yes Yes mom, i wish you were here, because I am the gypsy you always craved to be, to be on the road with my dad and just see, see and enjoy! Then I realized, I made my mom’s dream come through! With all clearing of the familial patterns and Karma, I did what they wished to do. With great gratitude for them, to support and help me through all releases, to make this happen. I am also sorry, they were not capable and able to doing so, but one thing is for sure, they are with me, every day, every drive and every breathtaking or tough moment.
Oh my word, as one of my friends (Keri) would say, I realized that I missed my mom because I had the diar need to wanting to share special moments again with someone who simply gets it and wants to do it with me. Yay, what a breakthrough, my heart cracked open to wanting to spend time again with a significant other. Since the breakthrough, I am truly excited for this person to walk into my life and explore the world together as it should be done.
The day continued and I went to take a ride up to the lake, watched my wild donkeys in the desert roaming around. Have to admit, they made me laugh all day and night with their funky hiiihaa, whether it was before or after mating, but some had some serious trouble getting their voices heard. While at the most beautiful Alamo Lake State park, the pier was entirely empty and decided to sit there with Djaz and try to meditate again. After sitting, spirit said” You are not sitting in the right direction, change it you know where to face”. so I did, I closed my eyes, and was interrupted by a boat, that was coming close to the little pier, to dock again. Ok, I said, “meditation is not in the cards today”, just be and let it be. I asked the people on the boat if I could give them a hand and this beautiful 72 year old jumped on the pier and said” no thank you, we are good”. Oh she said, ‘you are the girl of the airstream”, yes, I said. Oh, you are my ‘across neighbors’ and started sharing all i saw they brought with them. For a moment she stared into my eyes, and I am not sure but it truly felt spirit was working through us, and she said: Would you like to go around the lake with us? Without hesitation i said “Yes, absolutely” and realized my mom and spirit posse put this together! Off we went and we saw the wild donkeys from close up. Bill and Linda were their names (I stayed with my own Bill and Linda in Tallahassee) on beginning of my journey!, and today, February 21, was their 50th wedding anniversary. If you believe, you know this was not just a coincidence, this was entirely set up by mom and spirit posse, to know they were with me that day! We had the nicest time and conversation and eventually went our own ways. I went to say bye and thank you for the amazing gift they rendered, I am certain we will see each other again, especially when going back to my favorite park. She knew, I knew!
What are you doing to let go of the past? What is holding you back from opening your heart again, whether it’s grief, a past relationship or loss? What does it take to crack open your heart and feel loved again?