The word discernment has become meaningful in my day to day. While Djaz and I are making our way to the west coast, it hasn’t always been without the needed and unexpected challenges, breakdowns or aha moments! Many of the above are settling in over time. The Propane Detector which would go off when it needed to, was to remind me to “stop”, pay attention to all the signs and universal signs to work with them. No need to look the other way Astrid, it’s ok to stalk and discern each situation, thought or feeling. I remember thinking, but how do I do that, what do I know to be true? Here is the Propane Leak Story of my life!
From taking delivery of Neya (Airstream), she has given me quite a few alarms and as time strikes by, sudden strange noises would come about and couldn’t necessarily place them, other than by “the propane lines”. It would keep me awake due to worry we would suddenly have the alarm go off again. Very cold nights and beautiful chill days were part of Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. Suddenly my propane bottle was empty in 2 days, how was that possible, I just filled them?
My intuition is under continuous development and felt it was nudging me that something was sincerely wrong. It was time for action, we needed to have someone look at it, to avoid any major mishaps from happening. Laying on the ground, it wasn’t the fuse, or detector but the valve or line. On our way from New Mexico to Arizona, I called Holiday World, Las Cruces, who were wonderful and ready for me to come in. Manny and team fixed it right then and there and off I went to fill the propane bottles. My Propane friend even checked it with soapy water, now I know how to check it out myself!
Why sharing this with you? Well, there is synchronicity when alarms keep going off and other defects are happening. Can it be a direct reflection on us and how the loss of energy shows up and resembles in actual life. I was talking to people who drained my energy, how can I fix this? Who do I want to speak to, who lifts me up, when I need it, what are things that make me feel grounded or wobbly? While discovering the truth, my heart, lungs and chest were in diar need of rest and self care, in need to regain back my energy to avoid getting really sick?
The stalking exercise in one of my other blog posts allowed me to practice energy in real time. Put my gloves on and made an A depletion list, soon I needed to laugh because the same words would appear over and over again. Worry/Anxiety about anything and everything, Thinking of others all the time, whether it’s in my meditation or simply sitting on a bench overlooking mountains, Readily being available to others, undefined or no boundaries, thinking of irrelevant matters or people, what if and oh my! As you can see, I have quite a few full timers renting energy cubicles in my head. The picture became so clear and choices needed to be made. Of course these come with time, non judgment and much love, to build my castle of spaciousness and rest again. Knowing I have more and more moments of being present, there will always be generous amounts of energy available to be given away, or to claim back!
This weekend, I am practicing to hold and love myself without attachments to the future, my phone, expectations of friends and family to answer or reach out, being in silence and allow me to be me, to strengthen my body, mind and soul. Depletion was needed to realize the energy give away fun facts. What are you doing for yourself during the day or in the weekend to gain back energy and flow? Where are you giving away your energy and time?