While arriving in Texas, Sea Rim state park, I was so excited to be able to pull through a camp site and be right on the water. One of those “perfect spots” and exactly what I have been wanting to experience.
After a few more Neya challenges, some in the middle of the night, I was ready to park, relax, work and let things slide off my shoulders. “The things that needed to slide off’, were the annoying failures and break downs of Neya. Yes Yes, it’s true that many items disfunction or break due to the roads, traveling and other reasons, such as user error or factory ignorance, but what I felt was being prepared, fell through after a month of being on the road. Slowly but surely, my energy began to drain and wasn’t able to meditate, or had a lack of ability to sit still. I even asked my spirit entourage “what is going on”, and yet I ignored the signs. Glass would break, Mosquitos started appearing in hundreds, little or no wifi and tires running low, dead stingray’s on the beach, everywhere, and even a dead hawk. The world was showing me, both out side and inside of my house, which can also be interpreted as within me, and my surroundings. While using any tool I could find to kill these monster mosquitos, Djaz started getting nervous and certain words had a tendency of flowing out more frequently. Mhm, i thought, god knows how bad I hate mosquitos, wonder what is has intended for me, on this stop. I was in pure survival mode and had a sudden nudge to bring out the mosquito repellent device. Put it together and turned it on……later in the day after a dozen were killed by hand in a matter of 15 min, I excused myself from work for lunch hour and drop to the nearest wall mart, where I bought citronella, bracelets, zapper (racket!) and refills. I was now armored against this army of mosquitos, Ok, I did buy wine after the fact too, as I felt I could use a glass to relax. It became 2+glasses easily this time, yet it was mosquito free after trying out the zapper device!
Having a spiritual release with my friend, I came to find out how much guilt I still had around the subject of leaving my mom when she was terribly ill, this was in 2001/2002, Little did they know, I had my own emergency to deal with for a few months which I didn’t share until 18 years later when we would sit around for our “evening of truth”. We talked through it and as always, so much love and understanding, yet the guilt re-appeared due to circumstances with Marieke’s mom. Reality becomes naturally clear. Here we are a day later, waking up in the middle of the night feeling terrible and having an epiphany of coughing and a shooting pain in my head. The headache kept me down for a while, but got up in time to be behind my laptop, have my coffee and meditate. There I was, having a chat with my mom and a beautiful release we did together, so beautiful and real. As if we were in this life time and body, yet I knew that couldn’t be. Thank you mom for always being there as my guardian angel and knowing when to jump in!! I wasn’t able to hold my energy because I can go for a long time without addressing my issues or revelations that need to be happening. Spirit put me back to bed since I could barely function and needed to rest. Reached out to my dear friend, in distress to at least just vent and share something was terribly wrong without asking for advice, reasoning, or any other feedback, simply just wanted to cry and be heard. She was amazing and when sharing I thought I had a butane gas Mosquito device, poisoning together with citronella candle toxins, we believe spirit put me in this position, to look at the guilt and shame that came with it, For 19+ years I thought with having the conversation with my parents and brother, it was all good, but subconsciously it was never dealt with, internally! Resistance comes into play when we have to face a situation we prefer not to have, or be part of, or come face to face with yourself. Please take the time to look at yourself, without judgement and know that these ‘trying times’ are for the greater good of your life and happiness. All the synchronicities received, nudges such as breaking glass (totally my mom!) and birds trying to get my attention, shows we have so many amazing messengers, IF we are willing to see and hear. In the many years, I have been working through domestication or life experiences, the truth is that spirit or other people, are always aiming for your emotional and mental well being.
Knowing I am a girl scout compared with others, on this journey, I know that each time I surrender, I am one step closer to increased freedom.
Great song to listen to ‘knowing’ you are on the right path ” Adventure of Me, by Rob Riccardo