Vulnerability, simply show up!

A few weeks back, we had our global sales meeting and for some reason, i felt uneasy, anxious and my body was learning how to discern what I felt. Little did anyone know, that i cleared the room and did Reiki prior to us starting out the next few intense days. There were about 150 of us, from around the world gathering to share insight, gain new knowledge, learn about new features and services we are developing and technological advanced for our customers. But, before we start our time together, our big boss (love him!), wants us to introduce ourselves with first name, location, what we do for the company and name 1 thing personally/professionally you are proud of. Having done this 12 years in a row, it’s normally plain Jane and I felt this time, I was forcing myself to be different. What it looked like, I didn’t know, but all I asked was that spirit give me the words and content to speak out loud. Please hurry about Spirit, as the microphone was coming to our round table…”hurry, I have no idea what to say”, I said. As always, I am still Astrid from Holland, grew up in Curacao and do sales for BGA division of our company. I am the most proud of being part of this amazing team and personally I am the most proud for having completed my apprenticeship with HeatherAsh, who handed my behind over to me on several occasions. Now that I have gained valuable rituals and ceremonies, I look forward to using them and heal others with energy work. I was done, and shoved the microphone to my colleague next to me, who had a funny expression and did his own intro quickly. While that was happening, I really desired to be present, but I was ready to slide underneath that big beautiful round table and disappear forever. “What did I just say, spirit?”, OMG I just said the whole energy, apprenticeship, healing thing that I thought I would never say out loud in a corporate setting, with my biggest bosses around? OH NO, what did I do? Very quickly, I heard, don’t be that small, sit up straight in your chair, spine up right and own this one! You did great kiddo, you did it!!!! Be proud, you just changed the direction of your company once again!. My mind was chatting so loud, what did you do, dumb butt, you are now losing your job, everyone thinks you are crazy, they are right you are, what will they all be thinking, and on and on and on! But I would mute it, and keep saying, wow, we just claimed the truth, nothing but the truth. This is who I am and I no longer have to be silent, or retreat in my own world, you did it Warrior Goddess!!

After all 150 of us claimed our ‘identity’, the most amazing things started happening. My colleague turned to me and asked what I meant by energy work, near the bathroom (hidden from the main ballroom), someone else would find me and ask me” Wow, how cool, I always wanted to learn about that, how do I get started”, to a male colleague at the bar who whispered ” hey Astrid, that was so cool what you said, do you think I can learn what you learned, even though I am a baptist?”, of course I said, it has nothing to do with religion, you may pray or call upon whom you desire. It’s more a journey to finding yourself and the blue print of why you are here. I’d love to help you in any way. And a few others who struck up a conversation, but most of them privately, or via text/call. Then it happened, the person who I trusted the least of all (and had solid reasons for them), called me up and wanted to make sure I got home safely, after an evening of feeling terrible (yes, the mind finally caught up and wanted to create endless fear). I was discerning the call and simply listened. Such a long call, but little truth and/or interest from my end, to listen, however I allowed her to speak her mind and apologize. Which was truly a big girl’s thing to do, and really appreciated it, as it’s not easy to realize when you have done wrong, regardless of others who were at play as well. I accepted her apology and knew it was reconciliation process for her, to let go of the hurt and guilt she had. Kudos to her and thank her for doing it. She’s a beautiful person and did not learn to be brought up without deceit or hurtful actions, it’s a lack of the relationship between her father and her, and needless to say, it wasn’t her fault for the way she treated me, it was what she was called to do, to learn her lesson. Some call it Karma, I do not, it’s called life and the life we chose to live with the experiences and lessons that come with it. Sending her much love and compassion and I know she’s working through her own struggles.

What did I learn? I just changed the course of my life! I was fully present in the moment, with 100% authenticity (which was my word for the day). It can feel incredibly discomfortable and confrontational, but after time passes, it felt absolutely freeing. I was free, even at work and maybe even created freedom for others at work, to be themselves.

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